Just Shoot Me

Better yet, shoot (maim, don’t kill) the television executive who came up with this piece of crap.

Fox will put the “d” in dysfunctional when it premieres “My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé,” a new reality show that puts a twist — or two or three — on walking down the aisle.

The six-episode series, premiering Jan. 19, revolves around Randi, a 23-year-old schoolteacher who’s trying to con her family into believing she’s marrying “big fat obnoxious” Steve — who she supposedly met and fell in love with while they were both on a reality show.

Steve manages to offend Randi’s family at every turn with his boorish behavior, while his equally offensive family adds further fuel to the familial fires with their shocking antics.

Randi must pull off the ruse and “make it all the way through the wedding ceremony and final ‘I do’s’ in order to win a million dollars,” according to Fox (search).

What Randi doesn’t know, however, is that Steve and his “family” are really professional actors who are improvising as they go along - while taking Randi for the emotional ride of her life.

“The joke is on Randi because she thinks that Steve is also a reality show contestant duping his family into believing the same charade,” Fox said in describing the show. “In actuality, Steve and his TV family are professional actors putting their improv skills to the ultimate test.”

Okay, first of all… what the hell does the writer mean by “put the ‘d’ in dysfunctional”? The phrase is “put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional”. That alone is enough to make my brain twitch, but then we get to the actual subject and I can feel my brain cells popping like Rice Krispies.

Look, I’ve been known to watch some mindless stuff on tv and enjoy it (South Park, VH-1, This Week with George Stephanopoloplous), but I simply cannot fathom how people can tune this stuff in every week. “The Simple Life”, “Newlyweds”, “Average Joe”, etc.

I’d rather watch 30 minutes of “Americas Funniest Vasectomies” than tune in one of these reality shows (which, by the way, have nothing to do with reality). If you ever catch me watching one of these things, please kick me in the groin. Repeatedly.